I puked a lego.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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