So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
