Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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