i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
