You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
