so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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