I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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