I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
