glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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