Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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