Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
