Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize