My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize