if i can run in heels then i can drive
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
