I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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