I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
