Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
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