what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
