If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
