Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Randomize
