she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
