just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
