You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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