I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
