a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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