Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
