U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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