Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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