My liver just broke up with me...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
