She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
