Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
