I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
