While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
