I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
