i just wanna soil my oats bro
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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