The beer is more important than you right now.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
