How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Boobs speak an international language.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
