Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
