You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I got inside last night via doggy door
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
