at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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