I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
