You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
