hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
