I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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