All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
