i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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