I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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