my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
smell my finger.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
