Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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