in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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