Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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