I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
