Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Floor bacon is actually really good
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
