I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
