is your mom at the bar?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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