Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
