I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
