piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sorry about my life...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
