its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
