im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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