Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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