Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
