That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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