well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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