Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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