And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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