Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Congratulations! We have a period
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