Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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