I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
