I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
