i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize