The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
