I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
