Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
