90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
